I wrote this for English class once for a parable project lmao please don’t think this is actually gonna be some deep sht
Proof:
A wise man once said, “I have evidence that there are two group of people in this world. And one group supports me unwaveringly.” And so it was.
a=b: Given
a2=ab: By multiplication
a2-b2=ab-b2: By addition (adding -b2 to both sides)
(a+b)(a-b)=b(a-b): By factoring
(a+b)=b: By division
(a+a)=a: By substitution
2a=a, 2=1: By division
Existential Boredom
A bored robot once decided to calculate the odds of free will actually existing. To do so it ran a simulation of the universe and watched its events unfold. Unfortunately, the processing power required to perform such a task was too great, and the robot eventually crashed. Moments later, its programmer burst onto the scene. “Wow,” muttered the programmer. “I must’ve programmed this wrong. Not only is it inefficient enough to run massive simulations similar to this one for every problem it encounters, but it also solved its own problem without even realizing it.”
At the End of the Universe
Far, far, in the future Arthur Dent visits his favorite restaurant. As he enters he orders his favorite dish. “Oh, I’m sorry,” declares the waiter. “Your time travel provider no longer supports our restaurant, so we can no longer provide this dish for you. If you would like, you can pay for our End of the Universe specialty package, or simply switch providers.”
Frustrated, Dent returns to the modern day to shop for a new time travel provider. He orders an unlimited plan from an aforementioned-restaurant-sponsored company and proceeds to an automated checkout. “404,” declares the machine. “A big sponsor of ours paid us thousands to withhold all our sales for today and display their advertisements instead.”
Running out of hope, Dent returns to earth and enters a supermarket to buy groceries. “Hold on,” declares the cashier. “I really don’t like you, so you’ll have to wait a few hours while I go watch a movie. Be back in a jiffy!”
“But wait!” Dent protests. “These are groceries! They’re essential to my health!”
The cashier shrugs. “I don’t want to help you. Besides, I saw you looking at…well, you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, go read up on our new policies. The universe’s new policy, actually.”
Arthur was baffled. “But…but…you weren’t supposed to know! What’s the incognito suit for, anyway, if everyone can just see me? I hate this new policy!”
The cashier laughs. “Oh, there’s nothing you can do about our new policy. But the spying thing isn’t new at all. We’ve always been there.”